Conversation hearts: kiss or miss?


Photo by Kirstin Palasz

A bag of Brach’s Conversation Hearts being shared over a conversation

Mimi Osborne and Kirstin Palasz, Managing Editor of Arts and Entertainment & Photo Editor

On February 9th, 2021 chaos ensued in the journalism program at Lake Forest Academy; the class drew polar opinions regarding one very specific topic: which flavor of Brach’s Tiny Conversation Hearts was the best. In honor of Valentine’s Day, the parents association at LFA provided the students with individual bags of red goodies and heart-filled treats. However, those small, colorful hearts in pink packaging prompted strong opinions and reactions from the LFA students. The flavors, as marked, are wintergreen, banana, lemon, cherry, and grape. However, as best described by Senior Nick Alutto, they were, “created by someone who has seemingly never had a banana, lemon, cherry, or grape in their life. However, was still given the job to recreate those flavors.”

After a long discussion regarding consistency, flavor, appearance, and overall enjoyability, the ranking is as follows: (from best to worst) cherry, lemon, grape, wintergreen, banana. However, as the authors of this story, junior students Kirstin Palasz and Mimi Osborne wholeheartedly feel that the only acceptable order is: cherry, wintergreen, lemon, grape, banana. 

Another important thing to note is the messages along the outside of the sugary candies. As advertised, the messages are supposed to read ‘love u’ ‘my love’ ‘goalz’; however, the messages received were along the blurry lines of, ‘thrrrrr’ ‘my lovee’ ‘gorlz’(as pronounced in the Gru voice from the Despicable Me movie franchise). However, if the consumer can even get past the odd words and interesting flavors, the consistency is sure to throw them off. What snaps like a broken pencil and chews like sawdust, the texture is simply off-putting. However, despite the negatives, there are still some remaining positives to these horrid candies: they are good for throwing long distances, breaking molars, and causing cavities. 

So, unless you are planning to ruin someone’s Valentine’s Day, do not invest in conversation hearts as they are chalky, grainy, crunchy, and overall unsettling. The amount of trouble taken into consideration when eating heavily surpasses any sliver of joy intended. And, as best described by Alutto, “you’ll be too busy gagging on the flavor to be having a conversation”